Today is my mother’s 90th Birthday. A year ago today, I took a turn of the dime flight to Connecticut, as I was told my mother was reaching the end of her life.
For some reason when I got there, things turned around. My mom started to eat and was in and out of being lucid.
My Mother suffers from late onset PTSD. She is reliving the horrors of her life. My mother witnessed and was exposed to horrible atrocities and experiences during WWII and while married to my father.
I had to sign my mom’s hospice papers. I still have no words to describe how that feels to this day. I felt like I was signing her life away.
So, fast forward, here we are today. She made it another year, and has hit a tremendous mile marker in life. She has lived almost a century.
I have so many questions I want to ask. So many answers I seek. I don’t want to feel like not asking them and accepting whatever answers I get will be a regret in my life. I also ask myself if any of it really matters anymore. Is releasing all of it and just living out the rest of my life enough?