“Of all of the journeys we take in life, forgiveness is the hardest. Chasms must be crossed, mountains climbed and oceans navigated, but the biggest challenge is changing the landscape of the heart and mind.” ~rml~
I’ve carried the steel weight of anger like a magnetic chip on my shoulder daring anyone who professes to tell me love heals all wounds to knock it off.
I’ve penned 7 poetry books, pouring out my scarred and broken life like a beach flag warning of rip tides sweeping you out to sea.
I’ve stood at the mic and raged about the injustice of a father that refused to love me on my terms or any terms.
I’ve vented about his “new” family that tore a hole in the fabric of something I thought would be forever…our family unit.
I’ve wished the wrath of hell bound demons on those that were part of my suffering and responsible for the vast chasm that grew between me and my father.
I’ve sat up nights and wondered if he misses me or thinks of me, or ever really loved me.
I got a phone call that described a man broken beyond my comprehension because his “other” wife died and left him trying to find a reason to keep living. I wanted to keep my hardened heart in tact and feel yet more anger at the fact that he would mourn her in this way. I couldn’t.
Instead, I thought about all of the wonderful and miraculous things he has missed in my life and the lives of the grandchildren he turned his back on. It was at that moment that forgiveness flooded over me. I can no longer carry this burden of “Why.”
My life is amazing despite it all and that is something I created and stayed true to. He is a broken, lonely man and I feel such sympathy for where his life has led him. I can’t help but forgive all of it, yes all of it, because we are parallel.
His life is ending and mine is just beginning.
…a different kind of rant…