The love of a mother…

I sat on the couch, gazing over at my sleeping daughter.  Thoughts of her through various stages of life drifted in and out of my mind.  She was always a loving, gentle, and caring girl. As the years went by I watched her grow into an amazing young woman. She recently got engaged, and yes, I love her choice of life mate.

What most gripped me while gazing at her face peeking out from under the covers was a growing sense of inadequacy on my part.  She hasn’t been feeling well, raging headaches. She’s been to the emergency room a couple of times and of course they won’t do anything other than tell her to go to a neurologist. If she had the money to do that, it is unlikely she would be sitting for hours in a waiting room, being treated as an incidental because she doesn’t have insurance.

I reflected back on the hard times my little family of my daughter, my son, and myself had endured through the years.  We braved the mean streets of Camden, NJ, dealt with my heart attack with no family support (my kids actually watched me die and come back), fought poverty, hunger, and violence, yet, we held each other dearly and our love for one another kept us strong.  I have nurtured and protected my babies from the day I brought them into this world.  I’m at an impasse right now.  I can see my daughter is afraid that something might really be wrong and I can’t do anything to assuage her fear.  I would give my very life to provide this for her.  I can honestly say through all of the hell I have personally had to deal with, I have never felt so helpless.

You might see this as a sad story, but I do believe the Universe will provide what she and I both need.  Despite her fear and my sense of inadequacy, I do believe that all obstacles and trials are put in our way to push us forward in the direction we are meant to travel in. I’ve been so wrapped up in school, (and can guiltily admit that while “being there” for her last night I was freaking about my term paper that is due tomorrow), that I’ve lost sight of what it is I want to accomplish in this life.  I put my dream and belief in myself so far back on the burner that it became a dust covered idea. It is in times like these, that we must dust off the gems that make our lives so precious and embrace them as a light out of the darkness, and the whisper  of what can become a reality.

That is all.