It took a long time for me to embrace my ability to create art as it relates to painting, drawing, sculpture, etc. I never felt I was any good at it.
A couple of years ago, during a very stressful time, I went to Michaels and bought some art supplies, paint, brushes, canvases, etc. and hurried home to “create” something beautiful. There was a lot of trial and error and I put a lot of pressure on myself to end up with something beautiful. Instead, I became more and more distressed with what I felt was absolutely no talent to have a finished product worth keeping.
I knew I couldn’t draw anything more substantial than a stick figure and I had no clue how to use paint in a way that didn’t look like a first grader got into the arts and crafts supplies, so I put it all aside and gave up. I felt I need to be as good as some of the artists I’d seen around town that had been putting paint to canvas since they could hold a paintbrush. I felt incredibly defeated. My truth was that I could better paint with words on a blank sheet of paper than on a canvas with a brush.
I recently picked up the paint, the canvas, and my will to have fun with all of it and created the piece you see here. I enjoyed myself and for the couple of hours that I “played” around, I was able to forget my troubles and enjoy my evening. It was actually quite liberating. That’s a word that seems to surface a lot these days. I had a blast and I loved what I had created by the time I was done. I realized it’s not about perfection and excellence, as I’ve been raised to believe (“if you can’t be perfect at something, don’t do it. It’s a waste of time.”), rather an opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone and do something different. For me that is an abstract world of color and sound on a fresh canvas.
I have a new outlook and what I want to accomplish with a blank canvas, and I look forward to what I will create.