I must say this is likely the most empowering part of my transformation – STANDING MY GROUND.
So, I’m not sure what happened over the past decade when it came to speaking my mind and standing up for myself.
I’ve reflected back and have come to the conclusion when I had my heart attack at the age of 39 that I was going to change my ways. I was very headstrong, determined, and uncompromising in the way I dealt with people and situations. I was actually quite mean and combative. My mind was constantly in survival mode, relying on fight or flight by relying on fight and never flight as that implied cowardice.
I bargained with God to let me live while I flatlined and heard the fading words of my kids, “Mommy, don’t die.” When I was juiced back and heard my heartbeat in the fuzziness of my near death experience, I promised to be a better person.
Sadly, I went in the completely opposite direction and allowed people to run up and down back like I was the proverbial “doormat.” I didn’t want to upset anyone, or hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t want people to dislike me or be angry with me. It seemed like my spine fell right out of my body the the paramedics second “CLEAR!”
I have since realized there is a happy medium and I can speak my mind, stand my ground, and take care of myself in the best way possible. If someone is negatively affected, that is an issue for them to resolve. It DOES NOT at all impact the direction of my life. Self care and self love play a great part in the kind of people I am surrounded by.