I can say now that I’m on the flip side of anger management, I’m deeply hurt by hateful people.
I have spent the majority of my life in some state of anger until recently. It was always easier to manifest and express that anger when dealing with things that were happening in my life. There is almost a sense of euphoria, a rush in being angry. It’s very empowering and very destructive.
I realized just a few short months ago how much of my energy was being drawn away from me when it came to expressing and dealing with anger, which almost always bordered on rage. It really was the only way I knew how to deal with crisis situations. I’d say it played a huge part in my survival mode. Anything other than being pissed was surely a sign of weakness. I suppose I might have inherited that from my dad – nicknamed The Hatchet Man while in the military. He programmed me to believe that anger was power, anger was a way to keep people in line and at bay, and anger was part of the genetic code of black people, because of over 400 years of subjugation.
Honestly, being angry all of the time was exhausting and created a life agenda of how and who to get back at, even with. There was little room for nurturing love for myself or others. There was little room for nurturing relationships. There was little room for nurturing my creative self.
Anger, hatred, vengeance, etc., are the foundation for a society caving in on itself and moving further and further away from humanity and compassion. I don’t choose to be a part of that anymore.
I have definitely transitioned to living a life where I can manage things that upset me by working through them, understanding them, and then moving away from them. I’m sure that thought process plays a large part in not only my growth, but also my empowerment. I am the captain of my ship and where I steer it is wholly up to me. I have taken away the power I’ve given to others over the decades to dictate my life choices and decisions. It is one of the greatest transitions I have achieved since embarking on this journey.